A Letter To The Nice Guys

Dear Nice Guys,

I write this to you as a former member of your tribe. I still consider myself a “good guy,” as reflected in my beliefs, writings, and actions – but that is a different animal, as we will discuss.

You probably spend much of your time wondering why you remain single after doing what you’ve always felt to have been the right thing. You are chivalrous, romantic, and you compliment her.

So, what’s the problem?

To keep it simple, let’s focus on two possible causes why being nice, is actually a bad thing (in the dating world).

Being nice won’t turn you into a doormat, being too nice will. Answer the following questions:

If you don’t hear back from a woman when you call/text her…do you call/text her again?

It’s 2014 – unless you’re dating someone Amish, she is probably within 3 feet of her phone literally at all times. If she wants to, she will get back to you. Don’t push it or you’ll come off as needy and ruin your chances.

Do you ever say no to her?

I’ll do whatever it takes to make my girlfriend happy and we’ve been together for over a year, but if you are courting a woman and your response to “jump” is always “how high?” then she won’t take you seriously as a man. A self-respecting woman wants a self-respecting man, not one whose ass she could kick or who follows her every order. It’s important that you find a balance.

Do you feel like one of her girlfriends?

A woman wants to know how you feel about her, but don’t gush it all out, especially too soon. If I had to guess, I would say that there have been times that you’ve come on way too strong before, and scared her away. You hung out too much, talked too much, practically had your kids named after the first few dates.

Stop that.

Does she even know you like her?

It’s possible that you could be courting a woman in your head but she has no idea that you have those kinds of feelings for her. How? You haven’t told her. You haven’t expressed your feelings, and you haven’t made a move yet. This is probably because you’re either nervous, don’t have the confidence, don’t want to make her uncomfortable, or all of the above.

I understand it’s difficult, but this is why fortune favors the brave. If you spend too much platonic time with a woman, she will begin to see you as a brother or a “best friend.” I know that feel, bro.

You’ve got to be willing to risk it to get the biscuit, and as hard as it would be – you have to be willing to risk losing her in order to get her.

What if she says no?

Ah, but what if she says yes?

Now, about that second reason…

Don’t beat yourself up too much, it actually might not be your fault. You could be the second coming of Giacomo Casanova (By the way, Giacomo is James in Italian…coincidence?). Maybe you really do do everything right. Maybe, you really are the guy that every woman is looking for.

The problem could be that you just haven’t found the right woman yet. The one who appreciates you for you. This is an important realization because right about now you’re probably tempted to turn into the jerk just because that’s what (you think) women want. Don’t let the pressure get to you. You are the diamond in the rough that many women are out there looking for.

Keep your head up, the right woman will love all of the things about you that the wrong ones took for granted.

Let me know when you find her – because you will.

Sincerely,

– JMS